Valerie Rutherford (fireflys_locket) wrote in muse_murmurs,
Valerie Rutherford
fireflys_locket
muse_murmurs

Fanmix - All I Can Do


This is a fan project a year in the making. When I first read Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma last September, my heart was smashed to pieces. There were intense things happening in my life, and I was utterly broken by the tragic love of Lochan and Maya. As I often do when things go crazy in my emotions, I focused my love of the book into an obsession to keep me sane. I wrote a fanfic. Then, shortly after, a sequel. But my massive creative undertaking was this.

A fanmix. One of the things that I turned to right after finishing the book was Tumblr. And I found this wonderful mix. It inspired me to take to my huge music collection and make my own. But that wasn't enough. No, I had to take it to another level and spend hours of time transcribing long quotes to go along with the lyrics in the songs I picked. There were a few important scenes I never found songs for, and I waited ages to find them. But since it's been over a year since I read the book and started this mix, I thought it was time to let go and publish it.

I think it should go without saying, but the text below spoils the entire book. In fact, I'm a little frightened that posting such a huge amount of text out of the book is something that could get me into trouble. I promise you that I mean no harm by this. As a writer, myself, I would understand if Tabitha Suzuma would like me to take this down. But I was told that the mix was beter with the quotes, so for now, I'm going to trust that if you've made it this far you've bought the book. (I bought two copies, myself.) And that you know I do not claim any ownership of the text below the cut, lyrics or prose. I'm simply a fan who wanted to create a different kind of emotional experience, mixing a fanmix with a collection of favorite scenes. If I've crossed any lines, I apologize, and I will gladly take this post down.

In case you are wondering, the sims in the album art are actually some characters from a future book of mine who matched Lochan and Maya pretty well (in multiple ways). And now I might be spoiling my own books. But here we go...



Chantal Kreviazuk - All I Can Do: All I can do is love you to pieces. Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it. When the day is long. And then night is coming down on you. All I can do. All I can do. All I can do./ “It is falling apart.” I give him a small, desperate shake. “Lochan, it’s not. Willa and Tiffen are fine. I’m fine! Kit is your standard screwed-up teenager. We’re all together – all those years since Dad left – since Mum’s problem started. We haven’t been taken into care, and that’s entirely thanks to you.” There is a long silence. All I can see is the top of Lochan’s head. He leans toward me slightly. I reach up and put my arms around him and hold him tight. I lower my voice to a whisper. “You’re not just my brother, you’re my best friend.”

Coldplay – Talk: Oh, brother I can't believe it's true. I'm so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you. Oh, I wanna talk to you. You can take a picture of something you see. In the future where will I be?/ I feel awkward suddenly. “I dunno. I guess – I guess I thought if you went out with a friend of mine, at least I’d still get to see you. You wouldn’t – you’d be less likely to go away.” He frowns, uncomprehending. “It’s just that if you meet somebody next year at university -” A small pain rises in the back of my throat. I cannot finish the sentence. “I mean, of course I want you to, but I don’t – I’m scared….” He gives me a long, steady look. “Maya, surely you know I’d never leave you – you or the others.” I force a smile and look down, tugging at the blades of grass. But one day you will, I can’t help thinking.

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On: You're not alone. Together we stand. I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand. When it gets cold. And it feels like the end. Keep holding on. 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Just stay strong. 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you. There's nothing you could say. Nothing you could do. There's no other way when it comes to the truth. So keep holding on. 'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through./ “Hey, hey…” Despite her reassuring tone, I recognize the note of panic. “Lochie, please, listen to me. Just listen. Tonight was hideous, but it’s not the end of the world. I know things have been really, really tough recently, but it’s all right, it’s all right. Kit’s fine. You’re only human. These things happen…” I try to dry my eyes on my shirtsleeve, but the tears keep coming, and I can’t understand why I am so utterly powerless to stop them. “Shh, come here -” Maya tries to pull me round to face her, but I push her roughly away. She tries again. Frenziedly, I fend her off with one arm. “Don’t! Maya, stop it, for chrissakes – please! Please! I can’t – I can’t-” The sobs burst out with each word. I can’t breathe, I’m terrified, I’m falling apart. “Lochie, calm down. I just want to hold you, that’s all. Just let me hold you.” … Maya slides into the space between me and the wall, and suddenly there is nowhere for me to hide anymore. As she puts her arms around me and pulls me close, I try to resist one final time, but I am drained of all strength. Her body is warm against mine – alive, familiar, reassuring. I press my face against the curve of her neck, my hands clutching at the back of her nightdress as if she might suddenly disappear. “I – I didn’t mean to – I didn’t mean to – Maya, I didn’t mean to!” I know you didn’t mean to, Lochie. I know that, I know.”

Katie Melua - The Closest Thing to Crazy: How can I think I'm standing strong? Yet feel the air beneath my feet? How can happiness feel so wrong? How can misery feel so sweet? How can you let me watch you sleep? Then break my dreams the way you do? How can I have got in so deep? Why did I fall in love with you? This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been. Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen. This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known. I was never crazy on my own. And now I know that there's a link between the two. Being close to craziness and being close to you./Soon we are breathless, sweaty, and laughing. After a while the style of the music changes – a crooner with a slow beat – but it doesn’t matter because I am too dizzy from spinning round and laughing to continue. I hook my arms about Lochan’s neck and collapse against him. I notice the damp hair sticking to his neck and inhale the smell of fresh sweat. I expect him to pull away and return to his physics now that our moment of silliness is over, but to my surprise he just puts his arms around me and we sway from side to side. Pressed up against him, I can feel the thud of his heart against mine, his rib cage expanding and contracting rapidly against my chest, the warm whisper of his breath tickling the side of my neck, the brush of his leg against my thigh. Resting my arms on his shoulders, I pull back a little to get a look at his face. But he isn’t smiling anymore. … A cold slab of despair presses down on my chest, making it difficult to catch my breath. My eyes ache with suppressed tears. By midafternoon even Francie is worried, breaking her vow of silence and offering to accompany me to see the nurse. What could the school nurse offer me? I wonder. A pill to make the loneliness disappear? A tablet that would get Lochan to speak to me again? Or perhaps a capsule to turn back time, rewinding the days so I could break away from Lochan when we’d finished dancing the salsa, instead of remaining in his arms, swaying to the gentle crooning of Katie Melua. Is he angry with me because he thinks I planned it somehow? That the salsa was just a ruse to get him to slow dance with me, our bodies pressed up against each other, the heat of his soaking into mine? I didn’t mean to stroke the back of his neck – it just happened. My thigh rubbing against the inside of his was just an accident. I never meant for any of it to happen. I had no idea that something like slow dancing could get a guy aroused. But when I felt it, pressing against my hip, when I suddenly realized what it was, I felt this crazy head rush. I didn’t want to stop dancing. I didn’t pull away. I can’t bear to think I might have lost our closeness, our friendship, our trust. He was always so much more than just a brother. He is my soulmate, my fresh air, the reason I look forward to getting up every morning. I always knew I love him more than anyone else in the world – and not just in a brotherly way, the way I feel about Kit and Tiffin. Yet somehow it never crossed my mind there could be a whole step beyond…

OneRepublic - Can’t Stop: I guess this is what it's supposed to feel like. No, we don't talk, no, we don't talk, we don't talk anymore. I guess this is what it's supposed to sound like. The universe, the universe, universe is torn. I don't want to live without you. I can't live without you half the day. I don't want to live without you. And put life off for another day. But I can't stop thinking about, thinking about us anymore. I said I can't stop thinking about, thinking about us anymore. I said I can't stop, no, thinking about, thinking about this anymore. And all I've got, uh, is nothing I want anymore. No, I never get used to silence. But I don't hear, no, I don't hear, I don't hear you anymore. I know I had to look hard to find it. Everything, everything, everything is gone./Back at school, Maya is busy with course work. If she notices a difference in my behavior, she doesn’t mention it. Perhaps she, too, feels uncomfortable about that afternoon. Perhaps she, too, realizes that there needs to be more distance between us. We negotiate each other with the caution of a bare foot avoiding shards of glass, confining our brief exchanges to practicalities. Things are beginning to improve – I’m starting to return to a state of normality – until last one night there is a knock on my bedroom door. The sound is like a bomb exploding in an open field. “What?” I am horribly jumpy from an overdose of caffeine. There is no reply, but I hear the door open and close behind me. I turn from my desk, my pen still pressed against the indentations in my fingers, my borrowed school laptop anchored amid a sea of scribbled notes. She is in that nightdress again – the white one that she has long outgrown and that barely reaches her thighs. How I wish she wouldn’t walk around in that thing; how I wish her copper hair wasn’t so long and shiny; how I wish she didn’t have those eyes, that she wouldn’t just wander in uninvited. How I wish the sight of her didn’t fill me with such unease, twisting my insides, tensing every muscle in my body, setting my pulse thrumming. … As the light begins to intensify, so does my misery, and I wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong. A swelling despair presses outward from the center of my chest, threatening to shatter my ribs. I fill my lungs with the cold air and then drain them, running my hands gently back and forth over the rough cotton sheets as if anchoring myself to this bed, to this house, to this life – in an attempt to forget my utter solitude. The sore beneath my lip throbs with a pulse, and it’s a struggle just to let it alone, not chafe it in an attempt to annihilate the agony inside my mind. I continue stroking the covers, the rhythmical movement soothing me, reminding me that, even if I am breaking up inside, all around me things remain the same, solid and real, bringing me the hope that perhaps one day I, too, will feel real again. And Maya… it’s best if I don’t think about Maya. But perversely I want to. I must chafe at the wound. I cannot leave the thought of her alone.

Britney Spears - And Then We Kiss (Junkie XL Remix): And then we kiss. Your love comes alive on my lips. I feel a rush coming over me, over me. And when we touch, this moment when everything's still, I close my eyes and then we kiss. The feel of your hand as it touches my hair it makes me tremble. Don't wanna let go of the feelings we share, so baby, go slow. Our hearts beating fast and my body cries yeah, yeah. I want it to last, this burning inside, we're getting deeper. Take me, touch me. Won't you hold me close? You're drifting; the sun comes up. You're fading; you seem so far. I don't know if I'm awake./ “But he kissed you.” His voice is hollow, devoid of all emotion. Pulling away from me, he crouches down on his heels. “He kissed you, Maya; he kissed you.” His eyes are half closed, his face expressionless now, as if he is so depleted, he no longer has the strength to react. “He didn’t kiss me!” I yell, grabbing his arms and trying to shake him back to life. “He tried to, okay, but I didn’t let him! D’you know why? D’you want to know why? D’you really, really want to know why?” Still gripping him with both hands, I lean forward, gasping, as tears, hot and heavy, fall down my cheeks. “This is why….” Crying, I kiss Lochan’s cheek. “This is why….” With a muffed sob, I kiss the corner of Lochan’s lips. “This is why…” Closing my eyes, I kiss Lochan’s mouth. I’m falling, but I know I’m okay, because it’s with him, it’s with Lochie. My hands are on his burning cheeks, my hands are in his damp hair, my hands are against his warm neck. He is kissing me back now, with strange little sounds that suggest he might be crying, too, kissing me so hard that he is shuddering, gripping the tops of my arms tightly and pulling me toward him. I taste his lips, his tongue, the sharp edges of his front teeth, the soft warmth inside his mouth. I slide up astride his lap, wanting to get even closer, wanting to disappear into him, blend my body with his. We come up briefly for air, and I catch sight of his face. His eyes brim with unfallen tears. He emits a ragged sound; we kiss some more, soft and tender, then fierce and hard again, his hands grasping at the straps of my dress, twisting them, clenching the material in his fists as if fighting back pain. And I know how he feels – it’s so good it hurts. I think I’m going to die from happiness. I think I’m going to die from pain. Time has stopped; time is racing. Lochie’s lips are rough yet smooth, hard yet gentle. His fingers are strong; I feel them in my hair and on my neck and down my arms and against my back. And I never want him to let me go. … Raising her head from my chest, she asks, “Do you want to kiss me again?” I nod, mute, heart pounding anew. She looks at me expectantly, hopefully. “Go on, then.” I close my eyes, my breathing labored, my chest filling with a mounting sense of despair. “I don’t – I don’t think I can.” “Why noe?” “Because I’m worried… Maya, what if we can’t stop?” “We don’t have to….” “Don’t even think like that!” “All right, Lochie, we’ll stop.” “We have to stop. Promise me.” “I promise.”… “Lochie, stop.” This time she pulls away and pushes me back, holding me at arm’s length, her fingers gripping my shoulders. Her lips are red – she looks flushed and wild and exquisite. I’m breathing too fast. Much too fast. “You made me promise.” She looks upset. “I know – all right!” Jumping up, I start pacing the room I wish there was an icy pool of water for me to dive into. “I’m sorry. I should have said it sooner.” “No!” I spin around. “It’s not your fault, for God’s sake!” … “What’s got into you?” she says breathlessly. “Why are you suddenly turning on me?” I stop abruptly and stare at her. “We can’t do this,” I blurt out, aghast with the sudden realization. “We can’t. If we start now, how will we ever stop? How on earth will we be able to keep this a secret from everyone for the rest of our lives?” She stares back at me, her blue eyes wide with shock. “The kids…” she says softly, a new realization suddenly dawning. “the kids – if even one person found out, they’d be taken away!” “Yes.” “So we can’t do this? We really can’t?” It’s phrased as a question, but I can see by the stricken look on her face that she already knows the answer. Shaking my head slowly, I swallow hard and turn to look out the kitchen window to hide the tears in my eyes. The sky is on fire, and the night has ended.

Lykke Li – Possibility: There's a possibility. There's a possibility. All that I had was all I'm gonna get. By blood and by me, and I’ll fall when you leave. So, tell me when my sorrow's over. You're the reason why I'm closed. Tell me when you hear me falling. There's a possibility it wouldn't show./Do I really regret that night? That one moment of joy beyond compare – some people never experience it in a lifetime. But the downside to that taste of pure happiness is that, like a drug, a glimmer of paradise, it leaves you craving more. And after that moment, nothing can ever be the same again. Everything grays in comparison. … How will I be able to live a life apart from Lochan? How will we be able to watch each other leading separate lives, knowing what could have been? … My shoes tap against the steps as I go up and down and round and round each floor, searching for – what – some kind of absolution? I am moving more slowly now. Maybe even floating. I swim through space. The earth has lost its gravity; everything feels liquid around me. I reach another staircase, the treads melting down. The sole of my shoe peels off the landing, and I step into nothingness.

Oceanship - Pretty Things: I want to buy you pretty things. Horses and castles and diamond rings. And we'll go dancing in the spring. If you like. And we'll be alright. Never have to beg or have to fight. For what we know is true. That's what we'll never do. Never. Ever. And if we breathe for one another, they will never suffocate us. And if we stay close to each other, they will never separate us. And if we support one another, they will never get beneath us. And if we try. And if we try. They will never ever stop us./ “It’s solid silver,” he informs me proudly. “It should fit you perfectly. I took the measurement from the mark on your watch strap.” I continue to stare into the box, aware I haven’t moved or spoken for several moments. The silver bracelet lying there against the black velvet is the most exquisite thing I have ever seen. Made up of intricate loops and swirls, it sparkles as it catches the white light of the winter sun. … “Lochan, we have to return this immediately and get your money back.” “We can’t.” His voice wavers. “What d’you mean?” He turns the bracelet over. On the inside are the words “Maya, love you forever. Lochan x.” … He takes the box and lifts my arm from my side. I feel him reach round me and push up the sleeve of my coat. After a few moments of fumbling, I feel the cool silver against my skin. “Hey, how’s that? Take a look at it,” he says proudly. I take a deep breath, blinking back tears. The intricate silver round my wrist gleams. Against my pulse point rest the words “love you forever.” Yet I already know he will.

Natalie Merchant - My Skin: Take a look at my body. Look at my hands. There's so much here. That I don't understand. Your face saving promises. Whispered like prayers. I don't need them. I don't need them. I've been treated so wrong. I've been treated so long. As if I'm becoming untouchable. Oh, I need… The darkness. The sweetness. The sadness. The weakness. I need this. I need… A lullaby. A kiss goodnight. Angel sweet. Love of my life. Oh, I need this. Do you remember the way that you touched me before? All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored? Your face saving promises. Whispered like prayers. I don't need them. No, I don't need them / “I can’t do this anymore,” he says, his voice hoarse and broken, and abruptly my anger is joined by a cold rush of fear. “It’s too painful; it’s too dangerous. I’m terrified – I’m just terrified of what we might end up doing.” His despair feels almost tangible, draining the frozen air around us of every last shred of hope. I wrap my arms around myself and begin to shiver. … “Let’s face it – this is all pretty sick. Maybe the rest of the world’s right. Maybe we’re just a couple of fucked-up, emotionally disturbed teenagers who just-” He breaks off, pushing himself away from the fence as I slowly back away from him, pain and horror rushing through me like ice.

Chantal Kreviazuk – Asylum: A killer I'm not. Murderers get caught. If I'm such a criminal. Then take me away./”This whole thing’s completely out of hand!” he screams at me, the cords standing out in his neck. “You’re just sick, you know that? This whole thing’s just sick!” … I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t. I trusted him. I try to make sense of what just happened, to process Lochan’s words without completely falling apart. To somehow accept that the magic of that one night when we first kissed and the afternoon in my room was, to him, simply a dreadful, perverted mistake, to be filed away at the back of our minds until we can eventually kid ourselves it never happened. … “Fine!” I scream, tears springing from my eyes. “If it’s all so sick and twisted, if it’s causing you so much grief, then you’re right, we should just end it, right here, right now! That way at least you won’t have to walk around with some awful guilty conscience, thinking how disgusting we are for having these feelings for each other!” Frantic now to get away, I break into a stumbling run.

Three Days Grace - Over and Over: I feel it every day; it's all the same. It brings me down, but I'm the one to blame. Over and over, over and over. I fall for you. Over and over, over and over. I try not to. Over and over, over and over. You make me fall for you. Over and over, over and over. You don't even try. So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head. I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead. I know what's best for me. But I want you instead./Something inside me has broken. There are moments during the day when I just grind to a halt and simply cannot find the energy to draw another breath. I stand there immobile, in front of the cooker, or in class, or listening to Willa read, and all the air exits my lungs, and I cannot muster the strength to fill them again. If I keep breathing, then I have to keep hurting, and I can’t – not like this.

Red – Pieces: I'm here again. A thousand miles away from you. A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am. I tried so hard. Thought I could do this on my own. I've lost so much along the way. Then I see your face. I know I'm finally yours. I find everything I thought I lost before. You call my name. I come to you in pieces. So you can make me whole./I’m too tired to fight anymore. I feel my torso crumple, slowly tilting towards her until the side of my head rests against hers, my hand covering my face. She strokes my hair and, reaching for my other hand, starts kissing my fingers. “In – in the cemetery,” I choke, closing my eyes. “Please just tell me the truth. W-what you said, was it – was it true?” I breathe deeply, hot tears escaping from beneath my lashes. “God, Lochie, no,” she gasps. “Of course it wasn’t! I was just angry and upset!” Relief floods through me, so strong it almost hurts. “Maya, Jesus, I thought it was all over. I thought I’d ruined everything.” I straighten up, breathing hard, rubbing my face fiercely. “I’m so sorry! All that horrible stuff I said. I just totally freaked out.”

Kina Grannis and Marié Digby - The Keeper: Leaves on the ground, waiting but there’s no sound. Years go by, layers of love, lust, fire. Ice all around, everything lost and found. (Take me, hold me, save me, keep me safe.) Blankets of dirt, collections of dreams and hurt. (Memories buried lately in this place.) Sand and stone, struggles to claim and own. (Take my burden, I can’t bear the weight.) Wars lost won, promises come undone. (I’ve been fighting, trying not to break.) Nobody has to know. I’ll be the warmth when your heart’s growing cold. And you’re on your own. I’ll be the compass that points you to north. When you’re lost along the road. I’ll be the voice of an old favorite song. Taking you back home. I’ll be the guard at the top of the tower. I will be your keeper./We abandon the path and enter the small wood, dried foliage and twigs crackling and crunching against the frozen earth beneath our feet. The uneven ground slopes gently downward. Lochan follows me silently. Neither of us has spoken since entering the park gates and abandoning the world behind us, as if we are trying to leave our daily selves behind in the noisy hubbub of dirty streets and jostling traffic. As the trees begin to thicken around us, I duck beneath a fallen log and then stop and smile. “This is it.” We are standing in a small hollow. The shallow dip in the ground is carpeted with leaves and surrounded by a few remaining green ferns and winter shrubs, enclosed in a circle of bare trees. The ground beneath us is a tapestry of russet and gold. Even in the depths of winter, my little piece of paradise is still beautiful. “This is where I come when things get too much at home. When I want to be alone for a while,” I tell him. “Maybe, from time to time, this could be your place too, I suggest quietly. “Everyone needs time off, Lochan. Even you.” His gaze meets mine. “Thanks,” he says. We sit down in my grassy enclave and huddle together for warmth. Lochan wraps his arm around me and pulls me towards him, kissing the top of my head. “I love you, Maya Whitely,” he says softly. I smile and tilt my face to look up at him. “How much?” He doesn’t answer, but I hear his breathing quicken; he lowers his mouth over mine and a strange hum fills the air. We kiss for a long time, sliding our hands in between layers of clothing and absorbing each other’s heat until I am warm, hot, even, my heart thumping hard, a sparkling, tingling feeling rushing through my veins. Birds continue to peck at the earth around us; somewhere in the distance a child’s whoop breaks the air. Here, we are truly alone. Truly free. If anyone happened to walk by, all they would see is a girl and her boyfriend kissing. I feel the pressure of Lochan’s lips strengthen as if he, too, realizes how priceless this little moment of freedom is.

Ghost Loft - So High: You make me so high. You bring me alive. So high. So high. Everything I want. Everything I need. I found in you. No matter what they say. I'm gonna find a way. To be with you. Take me to your place of sweet love. Do you realize what you do to me? You make me so high. You bring me alive. Bring me back. Bring me back around. I'm holding on to what I can't have. Make it last. Make it last a while. You help me up when I'm down. Down, down…/She is standing naked in front of the open door of her wardrobe when I return from the shower, and it takes her a moment to notice me hovering in the doorway, watching her. She turns, meets my gaze, and blushes. She reaches out for the crumpled sheet at the end of her bed and wraps it round beneath her arms. The white material swirls around her feet, making me smile. I pull on my underwear and join her by the window, kissing her cheek. “I do.” She looks at me questioningly and then down at the sheet before breaking into giggles. “In sickness and in health?” she asks. “Till death do us part?” I shake my head. “Way beyond that,” I say. “Forever.” She takes my hands and leans in for a kiss. It hurts. Suddenly everything hurts, and I don’t know why. “Look at the sky,” she says, resting her head in the crook of my neck. “It’s so blue.” And suddenly I do know: It’s because everything is so beautiful, so wonderful, so utterly glorious – yet it cannot possibly last, and I want to preserve this moment for the rest of my life.

Angela Vía - I Wish We Could Be Free: You know it's so unfair. This life sometimes. When it never lets me fulfill. The deepest desire I have inside. If we could disappear. And fly away to a paradise. A place where only you and I. To unleash this fantasy. I never knew this heart of mine would ever let you come inside. Cuz I was told it would be a crime. For us to share this love. But love is not a selfish need. Why if I take it must I bleed? Or is that how it's meant to be? If only we could live inside my dreams. Then I could love you every night. Hold you until the morning light. No one to say what's wrong or right. The way it has to be. Wish I could love you every night. Hold you until the morning light. No one to say what's wrong or right. Oh how I wish, I wish we could be free./When she wakes, it is just after three. In half an hour she will have to pick up Tiffin and Willa, while I clean up the mess in the kitchen and carefully remove any remaining items of clothing from her bedroom floor. I cup her flushed, sleepy face in my hands and start kissing her with a fervor bordering on hysteria. I feel angry and desperate. “Lochie, listen to me,” she tries to say between kisses. “Listen, my love – listen. We’ll just start skipping school every couple of weeks!” “I can’t wait another whole fortnight-” “What if we don’t have to?” she says suddenly, eyes igniting. “We could spend every night together, like yesterday.” “Every night? What if one of them walks in? We can’t do that!” But she has my attention. “There’s that rusty bolt at the bottom of my door, remember? We can just lock it! Kit always falls asleep plugged into his headphones. And the other two hardly ever wake up in the night anymore.” I chew on my thumbnail, thinking hard about the risks, desperately torn. I look up into Maya’s bright eyes and remember last night, feeling her smooth naked body beneath my hands for the first time. “Okay!” I whisper with a smile.

Alex Parks – Sweeter & Sweeter: I listen hard. We beat the same. I realize the point of my life./And all at once I think: This whole time, my whole life, that harsh, stony path was leading up to this one point.

Behind Sapphire - Oh My, What a Fine Day: Mother nature. The weight of the world on my shoulders. With rage and force, she ends the madness. We shiver, we shudder. There's nowhere to run./ Her fists pound against me, her long nails cutting into my arms, my shoulders, my back. I don’t even try to push her off. My arms circle Maya’s head; my body presses down over hers, acting as a human shield between her and this madwoman, desperately trying to protect Maya from the attack.

KELL ON URTH - Running Up That Hill (Cover): It doesn't hurt me. Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal I'm making? Don't want to hurt me. But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware I'm tearing you asunder. Oh, there's thunder in our hearts. / “…your threats appear to have left your sister so terrified, she has signed a statement swearing that your sexual relationship together was fully consensual and instigated by her.” All the air exits my body. My exhaustion evaporates. Suddenly only the thudding of my horrified heartbeat fills the air. She told them the truth? She told them the truth?

Sean Sydejko - Gone So Young (Acoustic Cover): I never thought that this could go. And take me away from all I know. And leave me to think I'm on my own. But your love will take me, you were the one.../”Maya, Maya, Maya…”

George Winston - Living without You: Instrumental/ “We walk down the middle of the road holding hands, the sidewalk far too narrow for all four of us together. A warm breeze brushes across our faces, carrying the smell of honeysuckle from a front garden. The midday sun beams down from a bright blue sky, the light shimmering between the leaves, scattering us with golden confetti.” “Hey!” Tiffen exclaims, his voice ringing with surprise. “It’s nearly summer!”

Gone So Young (Reprise): Wherever you go, I will be waiting. Whenever you call, I will be there. Whatever it takes, I'll make your darkest days so bright. I'm in your heart tonight. If ever you cry just know. I'm in your heart tonight. I'm in your heart tonight./ (Bonus Fanfic: “Lochan was gone, and nothing could bring him back. The thought still hit me with agony sometimes. Forced me to sob into my pillow at night. But this, the return of the most precious object I would ever own, made me sure that my Lochie was still there. Looking out for us. Looking out for me. Loving me. From wherever he was.”)
Tags: books, fandom, fanmix, forbidden
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