Short Story - Subject: InuYasha - Rating: T - Category: Angst
Kikyo decides to end her sorrow.
I don’t belong in this world. I’m sure they are plenty of people who say that, but so few who truly do not belong. I do not count myself higher than any other being. I don’t say what I’ve said out of selfishness. No, I don’t believe my problems are worse than anyone else’s.
What I say is spawned by grief, I will not lie. Seeing them together is what cast this dark cloud over my head. And maybe the tears will wash away. The cloud burst will save my pride from someone watching. But no earthly things will ease my soul.
No... I take that back. This... this will save me. The cold metal against my flesh will ease away the pain. You see, I really do not belong here. My time was over long ago. My pain was supposed to be gone forever. But that witch... she brought me back into this world of pain.
Perhaps I thought myself lucky at first… for what dead person does not desire to live again above all else? But slowly the passion of revenge in me died. It died just as his feelings for me died. Slowly, but certainly.
I saw it almost from the start. He would abandon me for that girl. Kagome. I didn’t understand why. I was foolish. She possesses what I do no longer. She is real. And it’s sad... but I’m jealous of myself.
Is it suicide? Is it truly? I have not been alive for some time. I doubt this act will curse my soul which has mostly left me already. I shall give it in full to that girl. Then I can at least be with him in spirit.
My heart is breaking... Bleeding. I lay soaking in blood from my bleeding heart. Yet no one can see it. They could stare forever at my chest and not see the red stain from my broken, bleeding heart. The blood spilling from me is invisible to the eyes. You can only see it with your soul. But so few look with their soul.
My tear drops fall like the rain. Too late it came to drown my pain. He has already witnessed my weakened state. Tears so sharp they shatter mirrors. So easily then can they cut my flesh. Like the knife... this knife: that which saves me.
This blood all can see. Red beauty running like a waterfall. He’d be here in an instant if he hadn’t yet arrived. The smell of my blood sparking memories. Out into the rain his form crawled towards me as I leaned against our tree. My words shook as I spoke to him.
He blinked his lovely amber eyes at me. I gasped, seeing his tears. They tore into me worse than the knife running along my pallid skin.
"Of course I did."
I thought for a moment that he would try to stop me. No, he knew as well as I did that it had to end. Our escapades had been enchanting for a while. But now... he had chosen his mate. He would chase our dream no longer.
As I prepared for the last few slashes that would end this cruel existence, he curled up in my lap, my blood staining his silvery hair. He closed his eyes and breathed in the last of my scent, tainted with blood. I wouldn’t waste time enjoying his body in my lap. He would surely turn away from me then. And I would have to die cold and lonely.
Slowly, darkness descended. I was fading away. He could feel it too. His words didn’t reach my ears, but I knew what he was saying. I always loved you, Kikyo. 'No,' my soul screamed. 'I'll never leave you.'
I closed my eyes and felt myself approach. I would pass into oblivion yet never leave his side, ready to embrace him. Yes, I was glad she came. She kept my resolve clear as it had begun to waver. I bent down and touched his back. He did not flinch. My soon useless body smiled. And somehow, I watched myself then, cascading into darkness clutching that which saved me.
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